To the End, I am Me

This is an ongoing exploration of self-discovery, examining various aspects of my individual identity and self, self-observation, self-repetition, self-exploration, self- expression, self-awareness, self-love, self-satisfaction and self-transformation. Coming from a unique cultural and economic moment in China's history, I aim to provoke conversations about how queer communities survive in China and the challenges faced by my contemporaries and earlier generations in embracing their queerness in China.

When photographing myself in private spaces, I create an intricate and intimate relationship with myself, exploring my queerness within a space of self- protection. While photographing in outdoor spaces, I project my consciousness onto the world, maintaining a connection with my surroundings and drawing energy from nature. In this project, I layer Chinese calligraphy, photography, performance, and video, to highlight the tension between my Chinese collective cultural heritage and my individualism. A significant moment I captured involves shaving my hair, which symbolizes transformation and liberty. Video documentation of performances offers me a dynamic way to observe. Despite being male, I envisioned myself as a female character when I sing a song of Peking Opera, blurring gender boundaries in the pursuit of self-love.

This series is inspired by a Chinese poem - 你在桥上看风景，看风景的人在楼 上看你 - “When you look at the landscape from a bridge, you become part of the

landscape for people looking from above.” This poem was wrote by Bian Zhilin, who was a 20th-century Chinese poet, translator and literature researcher. It resonates with my project as I navigate self-observation through repetitive self- portraitures. In this process, I become both the subject and viewer, engaging in a mutually gazed gaze.