Where We Meet Ourselves

I started to use an online dating app, Grindr, to meet gay people when I came to Boston from China for my study in 2023. On Grindr, usually after a few conversations, face pictures will be asked by each other, if they don’t have one in profile, to trade to decide to meet up in person or not. During the past one and half years, I have experienced being chosen and being blocked by others after I send my face picture. The feeling of unsettling by using Grindr, combined with being away from my hometown for a long time, has made the feeling of displacement more intense for me.

There was one time when I met up with a Grindr guy in his house that I was shocked by his collection of Chinese cultural decorations around his bed. I felt so close to these objects that I instantly felt like I was living in China. However, after a few seconds there was one question that came to my mind: Am I one of his collections? With this question in mind, I began to understand the phenomenon of cultural fascination, particularly, the asian fetish.

I check Grindr everyday, but it is not easy to meet people in person. They have their types, and I am attracted to a specific type of person who likes asian guys. I place myself in this cultural phenomenon. If I am lucky, I can photograph our encounters. The trust of being photographed might come from the power of cultural fascination.

As I keep searching people online and keep photographing us, there are more questions that come up to me, for example, do I lose my power when I am fascinated by others? I like acting as a dominating role in sexual encounters, is it because I like the feeling of holding the power back in this way? When I am photographing us, I like the invisible and subtle power shifts between us. I am in charge of the power when I am directing the shooting, at the same time, I am also under the control of their desire.

Through this photographic series of Grindr guys, I have found a way to rethink identity, desire, belonging and power dynamics under the influence of cross-cultural environment.

We meet each other online,

We meet each other in person,

We meet ourselves in this space,

To the end,

I meet myself.